Dear Annie: My brother blames me for my strained relationship with our sister and it’s taking a toll on me

DEAR ANNIE: My brother regularly calls to blame me for my strained relationship with our sister, without knowing my side of the story. For my own peace of mind, I keep my distance from her, though I still send her Christmas gifts, birthday cards and other greetings — which she ignores and never reciprocates.
My sister is a school counselor, and she seems to know exactly what she’s doing. What my brother doesn’t know are the betrayals I’ve endured from her over the years: She once had a relationship with my boyfriend, accessed my bank account and stole items from my home.
Despite all this, she has perfected the role of the innocent victim, and my brother is completely taken in by it. They’re very close, which makes it easy for him to see me as the one causing the rift.
We’re all senior citizens now, and his constant blaming has become a real source of stress for me. How should I handle this? — Left Out Sister by Choice
DEAR LEFT OUT SISTER: It might be time to have an honest conversation with your brother in which you set clear boundaries. Let him know that you won’t tolerate him speaking to you that way, and establish limits on what he’s allowed to bring up with you. Your relationship with your sister is separate from the one you have with him, so to keep things peaceful with your brother, consider agreeing not to discuss your sister in conversations with him.
Whether or not you want to tell your brother about the betrayals is up to you. However, ask yourself if you’ve ever spoken with your sister since she hurt you. Has she ever apologized, and if she did, would you be open to accepting it? These are all things to consider as you decide how to move forward. Best of luck to you.
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